Sun. Feb 16th, 2020

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Black Struggle Loves’ Connection to a Dysfunctional Childhood

3 min read
Photo by Tonya Snow-Cook on Reshot

Photo by Tonya Snow-Cook on Reshot

I belong to quite a few groups on social media. There’s not one day that goes by that there’s NOT a divisive relationship question posted. These questions mostly pertain to BLACK RELATIONSHIPS. The questions usually end up in days of bickering, nastiness, and toxicity.

I always knew the foundation of adult romantic and platonic relationships were impacted by childhood experiences. I also was aware of how adult relationships could be skewed if your childhood didn’t display positive views of relationships. However, I recently realized how big of an impact childhood can play on your adult romantic and platonic relationships.

We are all aware that from infancy until about five years old, a child learns a huge part of what they will take through life. Just think about what you learn during this time. Babies learn to roll, sit up, crawl, walk, talk, eat, run, speak, and so much more. It’s really fascinating if you think about it. So, while a child is learning all of these things, they are also learning from what they see and experience through the indirect and direct teachings of their parents. That is the part that can be tricky and ultimately moulds your child into who they are, whether we are aware of it or not. That is where the connection between broken relationships, trauma and dysfunction comes in.

If we grow up experiencing dysfunctional relationships, that becomes our norm. That is especially the case if we don’t recognize that these things are not the way it should be, which is oftentimes the case. Most of the time, as children, we don’t recognize most dysfunction as NOT the norm. So we can grow up to either perpetuate the same dysfunction or develop barriers to protect us from what we deemed as unacceptable as children. Either way, this impacts our ability to develop healthy adult relationships.

A lot of the dialogue I see in groups online, in posts, and articles by way of social media is an indication that there a lot of people that have brought childhood dysfunction right into their relationships and adult lives.

I’m sure most people are very unaware of why their relationships are so broken and why the people they are dealing with are so broken as well. These types of behaviors seem to be particularly prevalent in the black community. Until, as parents, we start to fix our issues BEFORE having kids, this will continue to happen.

If we want to grow as a community and be unified, we must address this at the foundational level. That will involve individuals and parents taking a look at behaviors and people seeking help to unravel these behaviors. All of which should take place before the circles of dysfunction is continued to the next generation.

Successful relationships, strong unions, and community are contingent upon black people addressing family dysfunction and breaking those generational curses before they continue to destroy our family structures. There will always be struggle love in the black community until we truly learn to love.

I would love to know your thoughts on this post and previous posts. Reach out, let’s chat on FBIG, and Twitter.

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