Sat. Nov 26th, 2022

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Dating and Relationships Are About More Than LOVE

4 min read
Photo by Jasmine Carter on Pexels

Photo by Jasmine Carter on Pexels

I have mentioned how much trash, dookie, and piss are in the dating pool. My friends and I discuss this all the time. They are much more diplomatic in their phrasing than I because they never say there’s dookie in the dating pool. Although they are not as dramatic as I am, they understand how challenging the dating pool is. We often discuss among ourselves our needs and desires in a partner. 

We are at the stage where our desires are not complex for us. Our kids are young adults. We are educated, settled into great careers, and have our own homes. We’ve traveled, had many life experiences and are ready to have many more. We need companionship, but we don’t want more kids to live together or merge our lives with another person. That is not a necessity or required at this stage of our lives. I would have never thought our needs would be an anomaly at our age. Quite the contrary, it should be the norm. However, it is not. We all have dealt with challenges in dating because there are still people that are perfectly fine with being in the struggle love phase. 

Struggle love is not an option because I was very intentional in my life. Therefore, I set up my life so I wouldn’t be struggling at this age. When you are in a space where you have made strategic moves in life, aligning with folks that have also done the same becomes more and more important as you age. I focused on education, career path, and parenting before I turned 35. Now, we are all in a position where we are looking for a similar thing in a partner. Oddly (or maybe not so much) this has been the issue with most of my friends. 

We are at a crucial period in our lives. More of our career is behind us than is in front of us. That means we are not only thinking about having a suitable partner, but we don’t have room to make unsuitable partner decisions. We must consider how close we are to retirement age and align with the right person who will not detract financially from our lives. In other words, we can’t frig with broke folks with no potential by considering them as lifelong partners. We can enjoy their company, but seriously aligning with them can’t even be a possibility. That is, if we want to spend the last part of our lives enjoying the fruits of our labor and lifelong sacrifices.  

It might sound a little harsh, but it is simply a numbers game. Let’s look at some numbers to prove my point. 

Scenario #1

Person A makes $200,000

Person B makes $50,000

Together, they make $250,000

Divide $250,000 into 2, that averages $125,000 each person

Person A has downgraded their life to $125,000 from $200,000

Person B has upgraded their life to $125,000 from $50,000

Scenario #2

Person A makes $200,000

Person B makes $200,000

Together, they make $400,000

Divide $400,000 into 2, that averages $200,000 each person

Person A and Person B, the standard of life remains unchanged

In Scenario #1, person B benefits financially, but person A does not. Hence, it is in the best interest of anyone to rock with a more evenly yolked situation similar to scenario #2. 

Note: The ability to be strategic about money plays a role in the overall finances of a person as well. Saving, investing, and being smart about money is a huge factor in money and the big picture of someone’s financial worth.

Relationships should be about compatibility, love, AND money. That is especially the case as you get closer to retirement age, and money counts more than ever. Yes, we want love, passion, and all of that. However, if you are struggling financially, that will mean nothing because that love will be struggle love. 

In your early 20s, struggle love is not as bad because both people are growing and struggling together. However, the older you get, the ability to bounce back from financial struggle diminishes and could actually be a matter of life and death if you’re retired. 

My advice is to look at relationships as a partnership. So, you want to build the strongest team you can. That involves focusing on ALL traits of the person you chose, so being strategic in selection is imperative. Look at love, passion, compatibility, AND the financial stability of that person. 

Good luck, happy dating, and continue avoiding the DOOKIE IN THE DATING POOL.  In the meantime, keep an eye out for more relationship content and follow me on my socials.’

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