Fri. Oct 7th, 2022

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Don’t Date Below Your Self-Esteem Level

2 min read
Photo by Marlon Schmeiski on Pexels

Photo by Marlon Schmeiski on Pexels

Self-esteem is funny, not “haha” funny, but ironic funny. That’s because some people have an abundance, but many have very little. I heard a saying, “Don’t Date Below Your Self-Esteem Level,” on TikTok, and it resonated with me because I’ve encountered a lot of people with self-esteem issues. I have time to ponder these things because I tend to pause to think about relationships upon ending, not just romantic partnerships but friendships too. I am a very self-reflective individual. So I always take time to think about things when they end. I think about:

  • What could I have done differently?
  • What do I need in my next partner?
  • What are my next moves?

Over the past decade or so, I’ve had to walk away from more relationships than I’ve ever wanted to, but when I leave, it’s due to situations being so dysfunctional and toxic that it upsets my peace to stay. I will always choose my peace over staying in a relationship that is not good for me or my peaceful nature. If a partner can’t bring me peace, they can’t be a part of my life. PERIOD. It’s not even up for discussion. 

One of my takeaways in almost every situation I walked away from was how many people have self-esteem issues. At one time, I never was overly concerned with a person’s self-worth challenges in the dating and relationship stages. However, I’ve learned that their issues can impact me. That’s when it became an issue, and I decided to give thought to walking away from people with self-esteem issues immediately, if not sooner. That’s because I can not make a person feel worthy. Consequently, their feeling of unworthiness will inevitably impact me in some way. 

So when you think of dating a person, in the prospecting stage, I ask questions about the person’s view of themselves and their self-esteem. If they struggle, it’s probably best to walk away at this qualifying stage. It might sound harsh, but as a Gen Xer, I don’t have time to waste dealing with people in my demographic that haven’t figured out how to feel better about themselves. 

I am a fan of therapy and having a therapist on speed dial if you do not require regular sessions. In fact, I recently made an appointment with my therapist to talk over some things I need help processing. If someone in my age group hasn’t chosen to go to therapy about their self-worth issues, we are simply not a good fit. They may need someone with the time and inclination to deal with another person’s self-esteem issues. That person is not me. 

The older I get, the more I heal and choose myself over others who are not good for me. I would love to know your thoughts. Find me on my socials’ and let’s chat. 

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