Thu. Dec 8th, 2022

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Go To Therapy BEFORE Your Next Relationship

3 min read
Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels

Photo by Ylanite Koppens on Pexels

So, I have been on this relationship quest for a while. Not really, but more like an on-again-off-again battle of how much I really feel like dealing with people. As you get older, you tend to grow to understand who you are as a person more and more as the years’ progress. At my age, I fully comprehend how I walk through life and behave in relationships.

I went through 15 months of therapy after the death of my dad. One of the things I wanted to understand was how I dealt with relationships in the past, making changes and managing them better moving forward. That involved me being very self-reflective about WHO I was, my flaws, and coming away with making some conscious choices to work on developing stronger relationships.

You must have a certain degree of self-awareness to be willing to look at your behavior honestly and make changes based on flaws discovered during this reflective period. I was able to do that. So, I ventured into the dating space about a year ago as a new, improved, and healed version of myself. As I waded cautiously into this very polluted dating space, I had no idea how many broken people I would encounter.

Although I encountered more brokenness than I ever thought was a reality, therapy truly saved my ass. My sessions allowed me to work on myself and fix the childhood traumas that had impacted my past relationships. While in these past relationships, I never realized that I had childhood trauma that was literally impacting every aspect of my life. Once I fixed it, I recognized how much I was affected by trauma that I never knew existed within me.

Once I ventured into the dating pond, with my newly healed trauma, I felt ready to go to my person whole with no trauma impacting my life. I felt almost invincible. Although I felt like this, I realized pretty quickly that although I availed myself of some counseling, the masses on these dating apps mostly had not. I discovered varying degrees of brokenness from those prominently displaying themselves as great dating potential on these here’apps.

I am not anti-dating apps because I’ve met some amazing people on the apps. I am also not anti-dating in general. However, I am a fan of therapy. I think everyone could stand a session or ten to fix their issues preferrable before their next relationship.

I suggest therapy because I and many of my friends, have encountered real-deal toxic folks out here. I mean, like Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) level toxic folks in these dating streets. I’m not talking about people that are a bit self-absorbed. I mean love bombing, devaluing, and discarding type of narcissists. I and the folks that encountered these NARCS, were pretty secure and had very high self-esteem. So, none of them have been (overly) adversely affected to the extreme by the narcissistic abuse. I also think the healing of most of their childhood traumas in past therapy sessions saved them and myself. NARCS literally prey on those with unhealed childhood trauma with the goal of destroying you. It is almost a good vs evil sort of thing. WHEW. LAWD. I will definitely write more about that, in the very near future.

So, I can’t stress enough the importance of therapy and how valuable it is to walk through these dating streets and throughout this world healed and free of childhood trauma. So before you venture into your next relationship, heal thy self. You won’t be sorry. In the meantime, keep an eye out for more relationship content and follow me on my socials.’

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