Thu. Jan 20th, 2022

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

June 21, 2020: Letter to Dad, Happy Father’s Day

4 min read

Dear Dad,

I can’t believe this is the second Father’s Day that you are no longer in your physical body. Sometimes it feels like just yesterday that you were here with me, and sometimes it feels like it’s been a million years.

I have changed and grown so much since you left this world. There are times when I have to think about what you would do, to get me through challenging situations. Sometimes, I think about what you would do, but then do WHAT I have to do. Often, those things are the polar opposite of what you would have done. That has been a part of my growth process.

What I’m doing today:
🔸I’m going to light a white candle for you.
🔸I will also have a glass of wine. Stella Rosa Red, you would hate it, but I like it.
🔸I’m still not ready to see your gravesite, so I won’t be, doing that.
What you missed:
🔸Your lilies bloomed.
🔸Your Crape Myrtle is HUGE.
🔸I started walking during my lunch breaks.
🔸X dyed his hair again, and it looks really good.
🔸X has a really sweet girlfriend. I like her, and they look cute together.
🔸X started seeing my therapist.
🔸I am regularly teaching a super hard tech-focused course at my 9-5.
🔸I started a vegetable garden. I’m growing food inside and outside.
🔸My window sill is filled with lettuce and I am growing tomatoes with grow lights.
🔸I am growing cucumbers, 2 different kinds of lettuce, mixed peppers, carrots, and tomatoes, outside.
🔸I haven’t had take-out food since March 13, 2020. It’s nuts.
🔸I stopped drinking all cow’s milk. I only drink almond milk now.
🔸I learned how to make marinara sauce from scratch. I modestly say it’s fantastic.
🔸I miss having pizza, so I make my own now. If I was about marriage, I would make some person a wonderful spouse. Cooking and shit.
🔸My favorite homemade pizza so far is Turkey bacon, caramelized onion, red pepper, fresh romano and mozzarella cheese.
🔸I bought a few domain names to start a business. I am creating logos now.
🔸I am going to “go all in” and create an LLC, as well because I have to protect our assets.
🔸I have become much more social, talking, texting, and video chatting more.
🔸I got a verbal offer for the house, not sure how that’s going to play out. It’s not an offer until it’s in writing.
🔸I have been chatting a lot with the guardian angel family you sent me.
🔸Eddy is home, he stopped by to visit me, and seeing him made me cry like a baby. Right in front of him. He was so sad about your passing. I told him you would want him to stay out of trouble.
🔸I joined an initiative at work for Diversity and Inclusion. I felt like you would have told me to mind my business, get my money and go home. I thought about that but it was so important to be a part of this change.

I saved the best for last:
We are living through a crazy pandemic. I mean, it’s like legit craziness. It started in around March, but I believe I had the Coronavirus in December and January. Quite a few others have said the same thing. I’d never been so sick in my life. Every time I breathed, I felt like there were marbles in my lungs. Anyway, there’s a real deal plague happening. I mean like a 5th-grade history book, plague situation.

A few months ago, the plague would have been thought of as crazy by itself. In addition to this, we are dealing with a worldwide uprising due to a cop murdering a man in cold blood. It was horrible. I have yet to see the video, and I have no plans to do so.

Folks are marching and looting like something from the Civil Rights Marches in the ’60s. Of course, I’m not marching, nor is X, but we are there in spirit for the culture.

It’s all so much and very difficult to deal with because it’s ongoing trauma. I turn off the tv as much as I can. I don’t know how it’s going to end, but this has a very different feel to it than past protests. I hope black people come out on a good end of all of this.

What I will do for the rest of 2020
🔸I am still getting a LOT out of the sessions with my therapist, so I will continue going.
🔸Continue to cultivate new relationships and build current relationships.
🔸I’m going to get another tattoo. It will be a lotus because that resonates with me.
🔸I am going to get one house rented, and then start working on the next house, until everything is rented.
🔸One trip is still within reach, so I will still go unless something catastrophic happens.
🔸I’m going to look into buying a place in the Vancouver area, because I think we need an exit door out of here.
🔸I might start scoping out some Bae Prospects.

You taught me so much, and I will continue to live my life based on some of those life lessons. The lessons I will continue to focus on are to stand in my truth even if it’s unpopular, always lead, and don’t follow fools. I will be embracing those lessons for the next fifty years.

You were not perfect, but will always be my superhero.

Love forever,
The one who always has, and always will love you.

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