Most celebrated National Sibling Day, and it was beautiful to see people celebrating the love that they had for their siblings. Every year I enjoy seeing the pictures and seeing the love shared between siblings. It’s very heartwarming and beautiful. That is especially the case since I never had that sibling. I do have a cousin Gill, who has been the sibling, I always wanted.
I always longed for the caring sibling that would be the protector, one that had your back and guarded you against the ills of the world. Instead, I got one that I needed protection from yet rarely got.
My therapist recently asked If I ever thought I would reach a point, that I could move past having a sibling that was an emotional terrorist, [she didn’t phrase it so harshly] instead of the one I wanted. At the time, I didn’t have an answer. I still don’t, but I think a part of allowing myself to move closer to that involves grieving the loss of the thought of the sibling that could be celebrated on National Sibling Day, instead of the one I got.
A huge part of therapy has been me making new rituals and experiences. So, this past National Siblings Day, I mourned the loss of the thought of the sibling I was supposed to have but never did. That grieving does not minimize the impact of past traumas inflicted by the toxic sibling, but it does help to move me forward in my healing process.
At this point in my life, it’s about releasing past hurts, healing, and moving forward. So, grieving this loss like a death allows me to do so. Next year when celebrating National Sibling Day, I won’t think about the sibling I wanted but never got. Instead, I’ll just enjoy the pictures and stories of the siblings of others. THAT is growth that will move me toward continued healing.
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