Whew Lawd! I will say this once again it’s all fun and games until things look seriously narcissistic. I will continue to preface that I’m not a behavioral or mental health expert, but damn if the damn stuff is not damning? So I continue to tell myself this, but when the math is mathing, it’s math.
In the first three parts of this series, I discussed some behaviors that caused me to think long and hard about the narc. I am one to try to get all the facts or information before making a decision. The situation in which I was fortunate to be able to WALK AWAY has been no different. WHEW LAWD, people need to be aware of how broken people are outchea’ in these DOOKIE-filled dating streets.
The narc told me early on in the relationship that they still had a pretty amicable relationship with their ex. They told me they were still friends because they were friends before they were involved. So, after they went their separate ways, they remained friends. I was like weird, but OK, whatever. Do you boo.
Fast forward, I met the ex, and they were pleasant. The ex said how happy they were that the narc had finally met someone wonderful. I was like, um, OK but thought how weird it all seemed. I was in the company of the ex and their new spouse twice. Both times they were super nice. I noticed a bit of shift in the narc’s behavior when they were in the presence of this person. ALL of this should have been a huge red flag for me, but I was trying to think ok, maybe this weird shit is not weird shit. Ultimately, I decided it was weird shit, and I no longer wanted to involve myself in that weird shit. It’s not my circus, not my monkeys, and I was done with the bozo brigade. ANY. WHO.
All of this was some real bozo nonsense that was rather strange. I’d never come across so many instances of weirdness. However, it started to feel like a puzzle that I needed to figure out because patterns fascinate me. It was then that I went back to read the article about love bombing and narcissism, which got me on the path of discovery. I found some great content about Narcissistic Personality Disorder or NPD.
Triangulation is what I happened upon in my research travels. Triangulation is essentially when a narc or other person with a behavioral issue introduces a third party to the relationship to break the self-esteem and create insecurity in a person. What the walking hell demon is this nonsense? WHO thinks like this? LEGIT, WHOOOOOooo?
I realized that the narc was using the ex to try to create some type of self-esteem issue for me. That issue could be to make them feel better about the hole in their insecure, attention seeking soul or to make me increase my attention to them based on my feeling like I could lose them to the ex. Essentially it was a ploy for control, which is a huge part of how these narcs are out here narc-ing.
It was then that I realized I could possibly be involved in something that I had never experienced before and that nothing in my life could have prepared me for this level of cray. So I filed this information away and proceeded to find out as much as I could about people with these types of behavioral and mental issues.
The first and biggest mistake the narc made was really not getting to know who I am and how I walk through life. I’m super laid back but don’t allow people to control me, PERIOD. Also, I am NOT an insecure person in general. I am not a cocky or egotistical person either. I am very confident in who I am, and more importantly, I don’t compete with people. I ONLY compete with myself daily to be better than I was the previous day. So, needless to say, almost all of these attempts at triangulation went over my head. I didn’t feel competitive toward the ex, and I certainly wasn’t going to increase the attention I paid toward the narc. I remember I actually took a nap while they were triangulating. I didn’t realize that there was a triangulation thing happening. WELP. That didn’t land right. ANY. WHO.
As I tell these stories, I share so much of myself. Not because I want to yap about my life. Quite the contrary. I share because people need to be aware of the types of folks out here preying on people to make themselves feel the tiniest bit human. After all, they lack humanity.
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