Fri. Oct 7th, 2022

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Storytime Pt3: After the Love Bombing – WHEW the Bozo Activity

6 min read
Photo by Alex Green on Pexels

Photo by Alex Green on Pexels

These folks are very charming and often beautiful but don’t be fooled by that. I mentioned in Part 1 of this Storytime how I met the narc. However, I didn’t really go into how charming they were. The beauty, charm, and smoothness are what pull you into their trap. Once they realize you see their beauty and charm, you are now in line to be their prey. Watch out they will come at you with more dysfunction than you’ve ever experienced.

Again, I will preface that I am not a behavior or mental health professional. I can not say that this person was 100% a narcissist. However, they checked off 99.999% of the boxes when I researched people with NPD – Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Whether a person is considered a narcissist, you don’t deserve to be treated poorly regardless of their behavioral issue. YOU deserve good treatment. PERIOD. You should eliminate people in your life who upset your peace. My peace will always come before someone that is intent on disrupting it. Folks can: 

🔸 Take a hike

🔸 Kick rocks with flip-flops

🔸 Up their @$$ with glass 

You get the general picture. 

OK, Storytime:

I went into this relationship AFTER I went to therapy. In these sessions, I healed from childhood trauma, tackled issues dealing with a narcissistic sibling, and unraveled the generational curses passed down from generations of familial brokenness. WHEW, those 15 months of therapy to address all that was exhausting. I say all that to say I was really at a great place in life. I am eternally thankful for that. I really believe I would not have been able to extricate myself from this narc situation without serious trauma had I not been in a good place after therapy.

Therapy allowed me to feel good about every aspect of my life. I was emotionally, mentally, and physically at my best. I mean, physically, except these Covid pounds that have settled around my mid-drift. I digress, but ANY. WHO. So since I was feeling myself, in a healed sort of way, the bozo nonsense that ensued after the love bombing I mentioned in Part 2 mostly went over my head. 

After the love bombing stage, according to my research, is the narcissist devaluing their prey. YES, I specifically used the work prey because narcissists prey on the unsuspecting. Now, this is where it can get rather ugly for the one selected as prey and in the relationship with the narcissist. In the devaluing phase, the narcissist systematically tries to tear down the esteem of their partner. Everything the narc praised you for or loved about you is wrong or not to their liking. 

The area described above is where I wasn’t impacted as much as I could have been if I was at a lower point in my life, and luckily I wasn’t. So for me, the narc would throw comments out like: 

🔸 You look younger with your hair up

🔸 I don’t like those shoes

🔸 Your lips look thin with that shade of lipstick

I was like umm, SO:

🔸 It’s my hair on my head, and it has nothing to do with you.

🔸 These are my shoes. If you don’t like them don’t buy these particular shoes.

🔸 My lips, my lipstick. Since you don’t wear lipstick, mind your biz bozo.

I say that to say: I didn’t internalize the “bozo activity” of this person, nor did I indulge their criticisms at all. 

Advice: NEVER take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take financial, and/or other advice from. ANY.WHO. 

Another incident took place when I made turkey burgers for dinner. My turkey burgers are really amazing. Ground turkey usually tastes like a brown paper bag, but mine does not. These are literally the best turkey burgers you will ever make. I cooked these in a cast iron pan. The narc complained about them, as they tended to complain about most things. My response was, MORE BURGERS FOR ME. 

Recipe below:

**********

BBQ, Bacon, Turkey Cheddar burgers 

  • 1 lb of ground turkey.. 93% / 7% 
  • Turkey bacon. I Like Diestel brand uncured turkey bacon
  • Cheddar cheese
  • Kings Hawaiian burger buns or sesame seed buns
  • 1 green apple peeled and chopped finely
  • 1/2 of large onion [vidalia if in season]
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 slices of multigrain or wheat bread chopped finely
  • *Goya Adobo – red cap
  • Garlic powder
  • Onion powder
  • Himalayan Pink Sea salt
  • Pepper corn medley 
  • Apple Butter BBQ sauce [ or you can use whatever BBQ sauce you have.]
  • Ketchup

I kinda don’t measure, I just pour/sprinkle until the ancestors tell me to stop. Mix it all up and it should make 6 nice size burgers. I cook a couple slices of TURKEY bacon. Put it aside and cook the turkey burgers in the turkey bacon grease.. because why not. 

**********

The funny thing is most of the narcs comments literally flew over my head because I was thinking of much more important things. Those things involved making moves in life, like career moves, business moves, real estate moves, and money moves. These moves did not involve shoes, clothes, lipstick, or any other, “bozo nonsense.” Because really, does any of that increase ROI?

I only remembered recently how the narc was blathering about some foolishness that was probably supposed to devalue, and I was thinking about my home equity. The narc had to repeat the nonsense a few times. They were like, do you even listen? 

The criticism and low verbal shots are the devaluation stage, where the narc who literally has a hole in their soul tries to project their low self-worth onto the person they love-bombed at one time. The backhanded insults and criticisms are a projection of the self-loathing these folks have for themselves. Make it, make sense. Either way, the devaluation stage is right before the discard stage, according to the “stay away from narcs” handbook. 

I didn’t get the full impact of either, I’m happy about that and I share my story to possible help others avoid the narc brand of dysfunction. I’m scoffing a bit, but these folks are truly dangerous to our mental health. I realize, I was lucky to escape 95% of the impact. That’s primarily due to me not really caring about another person’s opinion like that. I tend not to not GAF about the viewpoint of others to the degree that it would undermine how much I LOVE who I am as a person. That truly saved me from internalizing a lot of “bozo shenanigans” thrown by the narc. BUT WHEW LAWD, if your self-esteem is not high, you pay close attention to what the narc says, AND you internalize it, you could come away feeling some “kind of way.” That’s because BAYBEE, these folks are not just soulless, but they are the personification of EVIL. They literally mean to do you harm because they are broken souls. 

I am not one to walk around embracing the concept of the devil or whatever kind of scare tactics put out by slave masters that wanted to control slaves back in the day. However, when I tell you these narcs are evil, they really are sinister. I will say they are evil folks that prey on good people to destroy everything good about them. You can take what you will from that. ANY. FREAKIN. WHO.

I’m not finished, the story continues. If you haven’t read Part 1 and Part 2, check them out. Keep your eye out for Part 4. In the meantime, check out the resources below. 

What Is Narcissism?

The Narcissistic Self (Everyday Narcissism)

Understand a Narcissist From an Object Relations Perspective

What is a Narcissistic Abuse Cycle & How Does It Work

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