October 8, 2019, was the day I felt my life was about to change again, and I was about to unravel a lot of things. Today was my first therapy session. I walked in with good hopes, an open mind, but no preconceived expectations. I felt as if that was the best way to go into this.
I’d spoke to two therapists one by phone, one by email and phone before my dad passed. The last one did not have any openings, but I added my name to her waiting list. That was the therapist I was leaning toward, and I was disappointed that she had a waiting list. The goal was to try to get ahead of handling the grief before the inevitable.
Unfortunately, I was not able to do this because the situation took a turn for the worse. So, I had to push all of that aside. Four months after the inevitable, I was mentally circling back the thought of a therapist to handle the grief that I felt was dominating all of my personal life. I kept procrastinating, but I knew it was something that I needed to address.
Not soon after I had this thought, the therapist that I was waiting for had an opening on her schedule. I immediately jumped on it. I was strongly leaning toward her because she was a black woman, rocking a very Afrocentric head rap and wearing a shirt that said, “I’m Rooting for All Black People.” All of these things plus her focus areas, spoke to my soul.
I talked to her by phone and felt like I immediately vibed with her. I discussed issues I thought she could help with, and we moved ahead with scheduling my first visit.
Her office was in a section of the city that I was not as familiar with, so I got lost and felt as if I were on “CP time” when I arrive 7 minutes late. The good thing is, I didn’t feel judged. Representation is everything.
I loved her vibe even more after meeting her. I KNEW right then that I’d made the right choice in adding my name to her waiting list. Although I got a good feeling from her, I still felt a moment of discomfort. That didn’t last long though, and I was happy about that.
We started some preliminary, “getting to know you” formalities, and then moved on with the session. Although it was the first session, I feel lighter already. The only regret that I have is that I didn’t do it sooner in my life.
My takeaway from this first session:
I have been dealing with so much that I haven’t had sufficient time to mourn. There have been so many people wanting things, folks needing something and such ugliness that, although I’ve been grieving, proper mourning has been disrupted by trying to fight back the many things pulling at me.
In conclusion, I am looking forward to unraveling a lot of stuff and becoming a better version of myself. I will keep you updated on my journey.
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