Relationships and your view of how they look are usually learned by what you see growing up to some degree. If you see positive, loving relationships in your childhood, that will be your example of what you believe romantic interactions should be as an adult.
If you see dysfunctional romantic relationships growing up, that will be your reality. If your parents saw unhealthy relationships growing up, their parents saw the same, and previous generations saw similar, all of those dysfunctional relationship patterns have passed down. So essentially, under these circumstances, dysfunctional relationships can appear as the norm. That is very problematic, and that is my reality. I never thought of it in quite that much depth, but that’s pretty much the reality of things.
I share a lot, but also nothing. I am selective about what I share, who I share with, and how much. Only those closest to me know about personal relationships of the past, present, and or possible future.
That’s because although I like to share with people, I only want to share certain aspects and in a very controlled manner. Control in relationships of the past and how that may impact future relationships played a huge role in this session.
I knew that personal things would come up in these sessions eventually. They have come up on the past sessions but only on a very superficial level and only to draw a connection between the impact my childhood had on my adult romantic relationships.
This week my time was up, and it was a “shit got real” moment like something I’ve ever felt before. The therapist asked at one point, “did I hit home.” I was like, “Yes, I feel personally attacked” because this was a real getting to the foundation of issues, session.
This session was different because it wasn’t about my past relationships. It was about where I go from here, looking at my behaviors of past and moving toward the future with a very real look at myself. I tend to self analyze, but I soon realized that I have only been doing so in a somewhat shallow manner. That was due to not seeing things in an in-depth manner. This session has helped relieve me of that.
“How did you show up in past relationships?” That was the question asked. Then there was a circle back to the issue of control in relationships and a question of my willingness to relinquish control to tap into a vulnerability that could be a part of a real deal loving partnership type of relationship. I’m sure after I was asked that question, I had one of the many “live cricket” chirping moments of the session. As in silence.
See what happens when your therapist goes on vacay and comes back all refreshed, armed with deep, and heart slaying questions for you? 😅😅😅
My Session Four: Whew Session was nothing compared to this one. When these types of sessions happen, I understand why people are reluctant to unbox their issues and spill their life’s tea. I feel like this for a fleeting moment, then I sit down and do the work to unpack all of this stuff. Then I come out on the good side of it with more clarity about what was unpacked. THAT, my friends, is what therapy is all about. With all that said, WHEW.
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