After a week break due to work travel, there was so much to unravel in this session. There was so much to tackle that I was overwhelmed walking in the door. That didn’t change as I left after my hour was over. I was still overwhelmed.
For some reason, the past week, I was functioning in space that was very emotional for me. I tend to be more logical in my thoughts than emotional, in general. So, it was very much uncharacteristic for me to be having these types of feelings. I guess there were lingering feelings around the last session. While I was away, I had a bit of downtime to just sit with my feelings and the many things I needed to unravel. I guess it was what I needed, although it didn’t feel like that at the time.
I usually keep myself pretty busy, so the downtime and sitting with feelings is not something that I ever do. So, when I mentioned having downtime away and not forcing busyness upon myself, my therapist thought that was great.
During this downtime, I fully realized HOW different my life was, and the full impact of it hit me in a way that had previously escaped me. I think it was the first time that I needed to give thought to how I need to proceed with the changing dynamic of where I am now versus where I thought I would be.
These differences are due to the death of my dad, my proximity to empty nesting with my son, and the rebound of no longer caring for someone other than myself. I have been busying myself for the past few months, so it had not fully hit me until this weekend during my time away.
I can choose to struggle with these life-altering changes, avoid them or embrace them, and move into an area of uncharted waters. These uncharted waters will involve me tapping into who I am, discovering what I want, and ultimately centering myself and diving into a period of rediscovery.
When I say who I am, I mean rediscovering who I could have been under different childhood circumstances. That doesn’t mean that I should minimize who I’ve become, only that I should look to explore other possibilities and consider altering my present-day path, which is wholely based on a childhood influenced dynamic.
In previous sessions, we established that a lot of who I am now was heavily influenced by a certain degree of dysfunction and childhood trauma. Today’s session explored me thinking about HOW I move forward with that by a rebirth of sorts. I say rebirth because you really can’t change the past only move forward. Therapy sessions really can’t change what has happened, but they can help you recognize behaviors and adjust your actions.
The rebirth would involve me centering myself in my present-day life moving forward. That would mean recognizing the things of the past that brought me to this point without giving those things the power to alter my future. The rebirth would also involve me, embracing things in my present-day life that were lacking in my childhood life, which molded me into who I am now.
The therapist challenged me to think of my rebirth and build that based on concepts I used when I decided to be a mom myself. When I had my son, I was the mom to him, that I wanted as a child. That will be the foundation of my rebirth. My rebirth will involve:
🔸Competing with no one
🔸Agency & Autonomy
🔸Comfort in choices
🔸Knowledge to make choices
🔸Living in my truth
Whew – This session.
This hour reached in and grabbed my soul. Not because it made me look at those around me or in my past. It made me look at who I am, and will challenge me to center myself in my existence and finally become WHO I need to be, not who others want me to be.
Whew – Therapy.
I would love to know your thoughts on this session, therapy in general, and more about your journey in getting better in touch with who you are through therapy. Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing.
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