I admit that 2020 has been TRASH so far, but there have been some good things happening despite the challenges we are experiencing this year. A lot of those good things involve me moving out of my comfort zone, more than ever before in life.
In my previous session with my therapist, we covered a lot of my feelings related to the trash ass year of COVID – 19. One of the only positives of this craziness that’s happening has been how much it has allowed me to become much more social. That was on my list of things to do in 2020. I’m happy that I have been able to do that despite the plague that has changed everything about life as we once knew it.
In today’s session, we discussed relationships romantic and platonic and moving even more outside of my comfort zone to make even more connections. The goal is to reach more people that totally GET ME. Not just “the me” that they believe to be me, but to connect with people that REALLY SEE ME. I tend to be a listener in most relationships. So that leaves me to listen a lot and people not really SEEING ME. I only have a few connections that really SEE ME and that are willing to HEAR ME, as in listening to me. I love to be the ear for my friends, but I occasionally need an ear as well. I’m lucky to have a few but I need more. I guess I’m getting greedy in my advanced years.
Additionally, I need someone to bounce an idea off of, to gain clarity on things. In the past two weeks, I have been thinking about how much I miss having someone to talk to in that respect. My dad was very good at listening and providing me with an ear to bounce an idea off of to get insight when I needed another perspective. That’s one of the things that I miss more than ever now that my dad is gone. He almost always had an answer that would be on the right path or give me the tools needed to find the right path. His death has forced me to pivot and look inward for answers. Sometimes that’s challenging.
I’ve spent a huge amount of time in the past two decades being a caregiver, student, employee, and mom. Those that I’ve cared for are gone, and my son is older. So, in addition to a few other factors, there has been a life shift for me, and I am still adjusting to the many pivots.
Like so many of my current friends, our children are older and have lives of their own. That leaves us floundering a bit and needing to have a purpose beyond just being the mom that we’ve been for 21 years or so. That is also a part of the change and pivot that has happened in my life.
I think as we evolve in life and things change, the importance of continuing to connect with like-minded people is so important. Life is really about ongoing evolution and perpetual growth. Not to do so is shortchanging yourself. So I am moving away from being focused on others, being a full-time mom to getting in touch with who I am, and embracing my personal growth and evolution.
I started culling my connections last year. That’s been a huge part of my personal growth and evolution, and it’s been one of the best things I could have done. That’s because there were people I was connected to by genetics and association, that were just not good for me. Sometimes people’s energy is just off, and that connection is just not a good fit. I need to vibe with people on a certain level, with good energy, if not, I must distance myself.
I’ve grown and changed so drastically in the past year. It is quite astounding actually because there’s very little about me that I recognize from the previous year. The need to find people that connect with me, where I am currently, is so important to the next phase of my life.
I am speaking of this in a very “at ease” sort of way. However, this is 100% out of my comfort zone. I am getting much better with this, but it is still a challenge. That is a part of some things that we were tackling in previous sessions. It’s very easy for me to fall back into old patterns of behavior. So, I have to be very cognizant of this as I maneuver through this new space of branching out with all this newness. I thank the universe for an amazing therapist quite often, or I wouldn’t be aware of any of this.
So, even though 2020 continues to be a TRASH ASS year, I am not going to let COVID – 19 unravel my plans to start embracing more life. That involves throwing myself out there to meet some amazing people. Wish me luck!
I would love to know your thoughts on this session, therapy in general, and more about your journey in getting better in touch with who you are through therapy. Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing.
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