Session 39 was really about taking a look at where I started, comparing that to where I am, and considering where I need to go in the future. This session was really about acknowledging some of my past pain points, things I can do to continue improving, and not backslide into past behaviors.
I’ve mentioned in previous posts how childhood significantly impacts who you become as an adult. These are some of the behaviors that I am trying to recognize, unravel, and change. That is especially the case in platonic and romantic relationships.
I tend to be very private about the things I share with people. That is the case with all my friends. I tend to be more of a listener than a talker, so that really helps in sharing only the information that I want to share. Consequently, I end up compartmentalizing a lot of things about myself when sharing with friends. So very few friends have a full understanding of who I am in totality. I never thought that walking through this world in this manner was problematic until my therapist brought it to my attention.
You have LOTS of layers of secrecy between everyone, you know. That is your way of distancing yourself, not being vulnerable and minimizing risk.
YES, I felt personally attacked during this session. However, as usual, my therapist made a lot of good points. The thing about it is, discussing certain aspects of myself with certain people and different layers with other people is just a part of who I am. Some of it is unconscious, and some of it purposeful. I am pretty sure the only person on this earth that has a full unabridged, 360-degree view of who I am, is my therapist. Others see certain aspects of who I am but rarely the entire picture.
If you let more people see who you are and it doesn’t evolve how you think it should, validating why you protected yourself, do you think you have the capacity to deal with that?
PERSONALLY ATTACKED! That question was very thought-provoking, and right now, I have no idea. It will have to be something that I will have to sit with and dig deep to try to come up with a suitable answer for and work toward moving forward.
How does your reluctance to open yourself limit you? How would it make you grow to move out of that comfortable space? Do your trust your judgment enough to trust others? Or is it your reaction that you can’t trust and/or handle?
Sometimes, if a person has a childhood that didn’t make them feel safe, these types of behavior can manifest.
Good LORT. 🥴🥴🥴 I do indeed have some things to think about moving forward. I don’t know that there is an easy fix for any of this. That is primarily because a lot of these behaviors have been with me my entire life.
“How do I fix it and move to a different space?”
Be willing to be uncomfortable and vulnerable.
A T T A C K E D.
This session wasn’t heart-wrenchingly difficult, I didn’t want to crawl under my desk and rock while in a fetal position. However, it will give me lots to think about between this session and the next. During this hour, there were a lot of great kudos about some of my successes. Within this hour, there were also areas discussed where I could stand to make improvements. That’s what sessions are about at this stage. It’s no longer about the super tough and crushing things that are weighing me down and impacting my ability to live my best life. It’s about unraveling some of the small issues that may improve how I am walking through this world, embracing my true authentic self. WHEW LAWD. Be ready for therapy WHEN you go because self reflection is a must.
I would love to know your thoughts on this session, therapy in general, and more about your journey in getting better in touch with who you are through therapy. Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing.
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