Therapy Session 44: Ending 2020 With LOTS Of Change4 min read
Change is Good. That is especially the case if you are in charge of the change that is happening. The past year and a half have really been about evolving into the person that I am currently becoming. It has been about learning who I am without any influences from outside forces and people. All of that has been a great thing. It is a direct result of taking the time to move through a process that had its foundation in recognizing that I could benefit from therapy, taking that step, and embracing the changes that would happen with open arms. That has been life-altering.
In session 43, we talked about family and holidays. For me, this time of the year, starting with Thanksgiving, has notoriously been challenging. Those times would go into my birthday, hit Christmas, and beyond to a bit after New Year’s Day. Last year I had just started therapy, so I didn’t have a lot of time to unravel all of the things surrounding my feelings about this time of the year. As I continued to go to sessions and address a lot about generational trauma, generational curses, the family of origin issue, and how all of these things impacted me, I gained a lot of clarity around my feelings about the holiday.
Consequently, this year the holidays have been a lot different. That change is because I’ve implemented a lot of things to move mentally, emotionally, and spiritually to a new space. A very high percentage of these things that have helped me move to this place is due to what I’ve learned in therapy. These are lessons that taught me how to look within to find the answers, and that has literally changed my life.
The new path I am on has its foundation of putting my needs at the top of my list. It’s not to say that I have a total disregard for others. It’s more like after having made everyone else the center of my universe for years NOW, I have moved myself to the center of my own universe. That is HUGE since I was so accustomed to putting everyone ahead of myself.
Some of these changes started in late 2018. That was when my father initially fell ill. Little did I know that this time was the very beginning of the path that would change the trajectory of my life. That initial part of the change was really about my professional life, but that laid the financial foundation to allow me to imagine a different world. That world was free from the need to hustle so hard. Fast forward to just two years later, my world would be in a 100% different space.
The past two years have taught me so much. The last year of two was really about discovering who I am without outside influences. I’ve spent 2020 really learning to tap into who I am. I have learned to get more comfortable with living life with no safety net and moving toward learning to trust my instincts more.
On the last day, I took my dad to the hospital. I knew he would never return home with me. He looked at me from his hospital bed with tears in his eyes, and he said, “I need to keep fighting to stay with you.” I always joked with him that he could never leave me by myself with my toxic sibling. I knew that he was asking my permission to stop fighting. I told him, “You can rest, dad.” I knew I gave him permission to rest, knowing that he was tired of fighting. He looked so peaceful after that day. I knew right at that time that my life would never be the same.
Soon after that talk, my dad passed. Shortly after that, I realized I needed to change my space. Since I’d cared for him in his remaining days at my house, I knew I had to make drastic changes to this space if I was to stay here. So, I almost immediately redecorated. That was a great thing, and it accomplished the goals I needed at the time. Yet, here I am, one year later, requiring a more drastic change.
Just as I knew I had to change my space upon my dad’s death, I know now that I must continue to evolve, grow, and change my atmosphere once again. That evolution cannot take place where I am now. I know my dad would NOT want this change for me, but due to the legacy my dad has left, it will be what allows me to make this change. I find that very ironic.
A part of my growth this year forced me to trust my instincts more than ever in life. Those instincts are telling me that I must once again change my space to embrace who I am becoming and who I need to be in the future. Here’s to change and embracing the future and all it holds for me moving forward.
I would love to know your thoughts on this session, therapy in general, and more about your journey in getting better in touch with who you are through therapy. Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing.
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