In week 39, we covered a lot. We recapped some of the things I achieved in my one year of therapy and discussed more accomplishments I could make. I covered a lot of that in the post from last week. A part of that was way more involved and warranted an entire post dedicated to the topic.
The backbone of a lot of my treatment directly or indirectly revolved around my father. Whether it was addressing childhood issues, events that unfolded after his death, or all things in between, most things seemed to come back to my father.
REFLECTIONS FROM WEEK 39
Grief is weird, and really not a black and white process. There are so many shades of grey, and it’s not a clean process as you occasionally read in the books on grieving. That was definitely the case for me because of the death of my father, and that grief brought about so many things, and all of those things changed the trajectory of my existence.
My father had a strong presence, and he played a pivotal role in my life. I never realized it until he passed. A lot of it was positive, and it taught me a lot about life and how I should move through this world without dependence on anyone. However, a lot of the strength of my father overshadowed my growth to a certain degree. That’s because I was very focused on being what I thought he wanted me to be, to the degree that I never got in touch with what I WANTED. Therefore, I was out of touch with things that I needed, to find my way on my life’s path. I never gave any of this any thought until I started going to therapy.
That’s why I mentioned the complexities of grief because you feel so many things in addition to loss. Often those things can make you feel guilty and so many other emotions. Death and grief is a rollercoaster of emotions. None of these emotions are right or wrong. It’s simply, just how you feel.
WEEK 39 TAKEAWAY
The death of my father was sad, tragic, and soul-crushing. I will probably always feel that way. However, the therapy that I started as a result of dad’s death helped me in ways that I would never have imagined. It opened doors that I never knew existed and paths that I could have never visualized.
The sadness of never being able to see my father again in his physical form will never diminish. However, the newness of the journey I am on now is very exciting. Sadly, I know I would never have realized this path had I not experienced the loss of my dad. I am still coming to terms with and understanding that my new path of happiness and my sadness due to my dad’s death can live in the same place.
There will be a lot of choices that I will make in the future that my father if he were alive, probably would not agree with. However, that is a part of embracing the life I want versus the life that I believe he would want for me. The happiness that I need is very different than the path I think he would have expected for me, but ultimately I believe he would want happiness for me regardless. Either way, it’s my path to take and I am looking forward to where this path takes me.
MOVING FORWARD TO WEEK 40
The next session will involve some of the things that were my wins and challenges:
🔸 Continuing to make sense of my changing path
🔸 Unraveling future changes as they relate to my dad’s death
🔸 Staying on a path of healing
I would love to know your thoughts on putting therapy session lessons to work in everyday situations. How are you taking what you’ve learned in therapy and applying them to your life in real-time? Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing and Happy Unpacking.
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