Mon. Nov 23rd, 2020

Anais ForReal

Straight No Chaser

Therapy Session Reflections #12 – Unpacking Week 40: Trust, Relationships and Family of Origin Issues

4 min read
Photo by Hernan Pauccara from Pexels

Photo by Hernan Pauccara from Pexels

I am always amazed at how everything that happened in your childhood is related to who you are as an adult. I don’t say that to give “an out” for folks acting out and blaming it on a challenging childhood. However, I recognize that how you move through your adult life was heavily influenced by your childhood, whether you realize it or not.

REFLECTIONS FROM WEEK 40

Week 40 and previous sessions were very connected to unraveling Family of Origin issues connected to my childhood. The goal to address these issues was to help me develop better and much healthier platonic and romantic relationships.

Family of Origin issues is a result of some form of challenge for children growing up due to familial problems. These things can include but are not limited to having lost a parent through death, having an absent parent, being adopted, being a child of divorced parents or having had step-family issues, being a survivor of childhood neglect, and a variety of other things. These challenges can substantially impact how adults interact in relationships.

Identifying these issues is really not about placing blame on parents. Instead, it’s more about identifying, recognizing, and changing patterns of behavior that have been influenced by The Family of Origin issues. First, you have to understand that these issues are present, then work toward changing your behavior.

My therapist has been working with me to help move away from behaviors influenced by Family of Origin issues. The goal was to change how that shows up in my relationships to have more successful platonic and romantic connections.

As I’ve alluded to without much detail, I have thrown myself a bit back out here into these dating skreets. That is after taking a super long break just because I was busy, people are annoying, and I simply just didn’t feel like being bothered. So, my short hiatus extended longer, but I was ok with that for a bit. Then what happens is, you start to like your own company to the degree that anyone you chose to be with, you will have to like them more than you love your own company. That is kind of where I’ve been for a minute. A LONG minute.

So I expressed my interest in wading out in the dating pod. At the nudging of my therapist, I decided to stick my toe in the waters. I was ready, so my therapist took the cues that I was ready and continued to nudge. I felt like this due to the work that I’d done to address how I previously showed up in past relationships. From that, I learned how I should work at showing up in new relationships. That put me on the path of venturing out.

As I discussed, some of my VIRTUAL VENTURES because umm “The Rona” so most of my “meetings” will not be in person, how I was showing up was still complex. That’s because I have a pattern of only revealing certain aspects of my life to select people. That applies to all relationships, not just romantic. That behavior extends to every friend I have and even to family members.

Consequently, no one has a full picture of who I am 100%. Some people will see 25% of who I am, and others will see 75%, but no one sees all of who I am. My son is an exception. I never viewed that as an issue that is because it is my norm. I didn’t even realize I was compartmentalizing until a few sessions of therapy.

WEEK 40 TAKEAWAY

I guess it could be a trust issue, which circles back to The Family of Origin thing. Then I thought about the trust level that I had with some folks in my family growing up. It was then that I realized that it very well could be a childhood issue that is manifesting in a way that could stand improvement in my adult life.

So as I maneuver through these dating skreets ouchea’ I am aware of ways in which I need to improve upon how I am showing up. I don’t know that my awareness of this will change how I interact with people, but at least I am conscious of my behavior now. I am going to go forth and continue as I am and hope that once I meet a person I feel comfortable enough with, I will open up and show them more of who I am. Until then, my son and therapist are still the only people that know more about me than practically anyone.

WHEW, LAWD childhood and WHEW, LAWD therapy, and therapists for having the ability to unravel all of this mess.

MOVING FORWARD TO WEEK 37
The next session will involve some of the things that were my wins and/or challenges:
πŸ”Έ The death of my grandmother in 2009
πŸ”Έ Unraveling more Family of Origin issues
πŸ”Έ How Family of Origin Issues are impacting me currently

I would love to know your thoughts on putting therapy session lessons to work in everyday situations. How are you taking what you’ve learned in therapy and applying them to your life in real-time? Reach out, let’s chat on FBIG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing and Happy Unpacking.

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