I am perpetually reflecting on how far I’ve come, and it is quite astounding. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, because last year at this time, I was in a much different place. I marvel at this because these changes might not have taken place had circumstances been a bit different.
As I’ve stated in previous posts, I started going to therapy to deal with the grief related to my father’s death and the issues that surfaced as a result of this. I continued with sessions because after dealing with that, I knew there were lots of things that I should address. As I attended more and more sessions, I realized some things impacted me that I was very much unaware of, but knew I should also unravel after they were brought to my attention.
REFLECTIONS FROM WEEK 37 AND BEFORE
Therapy Session 37 made me think a lot. Therefore, I have been in a reflective mood all week, brought on by my father’s birthday, which just passed, a conversation with my son, and a note I found this morning. All of these things collectively made me extremely grateful for the path that I took during the past year.
My father’s birthday was the first thing that made me start to think about where I am now. That’s because I was on this path due to his death. While celebrating his day, I realized that I would still be experiencing a certain degree of unfulfillment in my life had his death not prompted me to start on my healing path. Then I felt a bit of a pang of guilt for this line of thinking. Then I realized that my thoughts had not caused him to die, but I still felt a bit bad because my happiness happened as a side effect of his death. His death shook me to my core, rocked my foundation but also forced me to realize that I had been merely existing instead of living for years.
After going to therapy, I realized that I had pretty much been going through the motions of life, doing what was expected of me, and not getting in touch with my wants, needs, and desires. That realization was a HUGE life win for me because it made me reevaluate everything about my life and change my path for the present and future.
I know I would be on the same path of unfulfillment if my dad were still alive because I know for sure he would have talked me out of going to therapy. Even if grief was not a part of what I had been tackling in sessions, there were many other issues I needed to resolve that contributed to my current happiness level. My dad was from the generation that believed therapy and counseling was for those that were “crazy” or weak. I never subscribed to that mode of thinking, although I never verbalized this to him while he was alive.
I was laughing with my son about ALL of the things that I have embraced, within the past year, that my dad would have strongly objected to. Between, therapy, crystals, chakras, meditation, and so many other things, he would believe I’d embraced witchcraft or some shit. WELP.
My son and I laughed about this, but he also mentioned how different I am now after going to therapy for going on a year. He mentioned how much happier I seem and how much more social I am than I was compared to previously. He is here for this happiness.
My happiness level is at a level that it’s never been before. I think that’s because I am so much better in touch with who I am, and that is not influenced by anyone or anything beyond my feelings, wants needs, and desires. That is huge. I had a very real understanding of that after I found a note that I’d taken when I initially found my therapist. The note that was tucked away in a notebook and on it was a list of the things I wanted to accomplish and resolve with therapy. The list was as follows:
Death of Dad- Chain reaction about🔸Childhood
🔸Distancing From People
I left a few things out because ya’ll don’t need to be all up in my real deal personal shit, like that.
ANYWHO, I started researching therapists in March of 2019, right before my dad’s illness took a turn for the worse, and my life spiraled. I landed in a good place with an amazing therapist in Sept of 2019 and had my first session in October of 2019. Grief counseling was a very small aspect of those visits and was over within about two months. The real work of unraveling all of the things listed above was what moved me to the happiness point I am currently living in.
WEEK 37 AND BEFORE TAKEAWAY
I marvel because dealing with the grief of losing my dad was essentially just a small aspect of things I needed to address. Had my father not passed, the fact remained that I still had issues that needed to be addressed that were not being dealt with. Those things were impacting and impeding my path of happiness. My dad’s death forced me to go to grief counseling, and that led me to continue going to sessions which resulted in unraveling “all the things.” It’s amazing how it almost didn’t happen.
Whew, this unraveling this week was almost like after an actual live/virtual session.
MOVING FORWARD TO WEEK 37
The next session will involve some of the things that were my wins and/or challenges:
🔸The bit of guilt I feel at my happiness being somewhat connected to death.
🔸How to keep that same happiness energy.
🔸How to balance the newness of the happiness with the things that are taking up more time in my life that are connected to my happiness level.
I would love to know your thoughts on putting therapy session lessons to work in everyday situations. How are you taking what you’ve learned in therapy and applying them to your life in real-time? Reach out, let’s chat on FB, IG, and Twitter. Until then, Happy Healing and Happy Unpacking.
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